Or maybe just upon me.
Classic professor quotes
Bet you didn’t know that professors can be good for more than decent grades if you provide the proper sexual favors, did you? Turns out that they can add a little sunshine to an ordinarily dismal day filled with crappy classes that you’d rather sleep through and they’re serving sloppy joes for lunch again. Beginning in my sophomore year at Kenyon, I started jotting down quotes in the margins of my notebooks, comments from professors and students which kept time from stopping and made things a little less unbearable. Continue reading “Classic professor quotes”
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Am I old enough to be an adult yet?
Upon checking the Inbox on one of my multitude of e-mail accounts (I think you can write to me in five different ways), I found one message that’s offering… well, it’s not something I’d pay money to see, but I think the disclaimer is worth sharing. Continue reading “Am I old enough to be an adult yet?”
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Shut the hell up!
I sometimes forget just how sensitive some people’s ears are. When I’m talking to people my age or younger, they’re used to language that their elders might consider “offensive”—it’s part of our modern culture, much like half-naked models on billboards and beer commercials on TV. But when those elders are in the room… that can have an unfortunate effect. Continue reading “Shut the hell up!”
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magnetic Romance kit III
This poem brought to you by the best way to commit sexual harassment using a file cabinet at work:
shall we moon those young girls
with the full breasts and
wet sensual lips?
I know we must; each and every one.
as the morning sun
kisses your naked cheeks,
you cry, “I am so drunk!”
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magnetic Romance kit II
This poem brought to you by the best way to use your refrigerator to show you love someone when they suffer from a case of the munchies at 3:00am:
I say, “my goodness, dinner is magnificent”
as I slowly eat some delicious pie.
she begs me to snuggle, but I laugh deeply.
her eyes are ablaze and her blood boils.
she holds my neck and caresses my head.
her voice whispers softly in my ear,
“I cannot live without your warm embrace, baby.”
then the wench lights my hair on fire.
