shawnbakken.net

I made it back to Minnesota (in one piece, no less) and it looks like I have a lot of stuff to talk about in the immediate future—I think you guys added about 50 comments while I was gone. But like I said, “in the immediate future.” As in “Not right now.” I’ve had eight hours of sleep the last two nights and I’m gonna crash reeeeeal quick.

Before I go, though, I want to thank you all for the support even though the buck stopped here. And I also want to say that I was thinking of you during the reunion show, but I couldn’t bring myself to jam my finger halfway up my nose in front of a live studio audience. Hope you can forgive me.

My flight out to L.A. for the reunion show will be taking off in about five hours. I’ll be gone until Thursday afternoon, so the usual recap on Wednesday won’t be there. If I’m lucky, I can set a time-delayed post that’ll appear that afternoon (without any juicy details, unfortunately); if I’m not, just write your comments here and I’ll figure out something else when I get back. Cheer me on!

I picked up the mail this afternoon and found something I’d never expected. This time, it wasn’t the usual newspaper ad set in there by a friendly neighborhood stalker: it was a mass-mailing from my high school advertising Beauty and the Geek because I was a member of the three remaining couples. Hoo boy…

I’m not sure whether I prefer that the school sent it out now rather than when the show started. Perhaps now is better because it’s a lot less likely that female alumnae will ask me to join them when shopping for clothes on the weekends.

I went to a Minnesota Twins game with my parents on Thursday (tickets courtesy of Matthew Feeney, who wanted to say thanks for being an extra at that all-night shoot for Fall Into Me). We were in the tenth row down the third base line—pretty good seats. However, getting inside the Metrodome meant we still had to deal with all the people hawking tickets outside.

We had parked six or seven blocks away to avoid getting jacked for $10 in a lot. Heading to the stadium, we ended up walking towards someone holding up four tickets to the game. Didn’t need ‘em, planned to pass by the guy, no big deal. All of a sudden, he turned to me and said, “Gimme a smile!”

I looked at him and thought, “Okay, he wants me to get excited about the Twins playing in half an hour, go team!” I flashed him a grin, at which point he yelled out, “I saw you on TV last night!” (It seems very odd that the first time someone told me he recognized me, he’d be hawking tickets to a baseball game…)

We talked briefly, then he handed me his card (he works for Premiere Tickets, which assumedly doesn’t screw you over nearly as hard as Ticketmaster for concerts, sporting events, etc.) I tucked it in my pocket, we shook hands and he said, “My wife will get a kick out of this.” Under the circumstances, I think I got a kick out of it as well.

Horror of horrors! Those were Chuck’s hands rubbing Scarlet’s back!
Girls: We have liftoff! (2-liter bottles + baking soda + vinegar = kablooey!)
Guys: C’mon, guys, let’s go shopping! (“They said my name and my jaw hit the floor.”)
I’d say I was speechless, but you could see my lips saying “Wow” a lot.
“You’re trying to form an alliance, aren’t you?”
Caitilin won one challenge, I won the other.
Richard and Mindi & Brad and Krystal go to the elimination room.
Brad and Krystal go home. (Richard vows revenge.)

Here’s another post you can use to learn some of what’s been going on in the mansion. Or at least in my head while in the mansion. I figure I can put this on the blog and let people ask questions about what I’ve been thinking in the last two episodes, my thoughts after tomorrow (Episode 3), etc. Again, I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to answer them right away—the WB knows about this site and has the power to destroy my life and make me a miserable shell of a man who once had the power to screw up the backs of multiple hot women over the span of ten minutes.

For example, you can post something like “Why did you punch Richard in the head after he peeked into the bathroom while you were taking a dump?” I would in turn post “You’ll never, never, ever be invited to my house, freak boy…” Perhaps your questions will be a bit more mundane, in which case I’ll response more mundanely myself… or not. But hopefully you’ll get an answer with actual information that way.

Oh yeah, and if the WB tells me not to post any “motivation” entries, you’ll be reading one about censorship instead. (No offense to the powers that be.)

There has been a large consensus that Richard’s behavior on Beauty and the Geek is merely an attempt to break into Hollywood (his ultimate plan is to be to become an actor, though given the choice and execution of his antics, becoming a “comedic” actor is questionable). I, on the other hand, plan to stick around here in Minnesota, though it seems I haven’t fully escaped the realm of movie cameras and spotlights. My “credits” have moved beyond my three-minute appearance on The WaZoo! Show—now they include working as an extra for an independent film.

It was basically a favor for a friend. Matthew Feeney sent out a mass e-mail because a film he’s involved with (Fall Into Me) was having a shoot on Thursday night from 7:00pm till Friday morning at approximately 7:00am. (It turned out to be closer to 4:30, but you get the idea…) They needed people who’d be willing to work the night shift to fill up the background. I figured, “Hey, I haven’t got a set schedule, why not help them out?” (more…)

The cast discovers that Eric and Cheryl have left the premises without saying their final goodbyes.
Richard begins to channel the essence of Woody Allen.
“I want to form an alliance. Nothing I say or do should be taken seriously.”
Girls: They never played with Matchbox cars as kids. (“Scarlet had a helluva time with the lug nuts.” And she was in front until she got to the tire…)
Guys: Giving the ladies a lube job. (Note to self: applying too much pressure + shaky hands = pissed-off woman.)
Chuck and Caitilin win both challenges.
Joe and Erika & Brad and Krystal head to the Elimination Room.
Joe and Erika go home.

Boy, you read these chat sites long enough and you find all sorts of stuff you didn’t know about yourself. And then you find stuff that you do know about yourself. Here’s a quote from the WB’s official page for Beauty and the Geek as to why Scarlet and I won’t win:

Heather, Atlanta
06/04/2005 16:24
While Shawn is a nice guy, he just doesn’t have the drive that the winner will need. This is a guy who has a LAW DEGREE but hasn’t passed the bar and lives in his parents’ basement at 28. Granted, he has more room for improvement than some of the other guys. My favorite part of this pairing is that he doesn’t drink but got paired with the beer spokesmodel.

I figure since I’m trying to dispel rumors, I might as well own up to the truth as well. At least to the current history part. Yep to nice guy, not drinking, LAW DEGREE, not passing the bar, room for improvement and parents’ basement. (Can’t say about the basement part for him, but family and friends like to comfort me by noting that JFK didn’t pass the bar the first time, either…)

As for the drive to win, I can’t say. Well, I could, but is proving whether I have the drive to win worth a $5,000,000 lawsuit? I know I’m not allowed to practice law yet, but I can still do math and I’m pretty sure the answer is “No.” We’ll just have to wait and see who gets to rub the other’s nose in the end result. I can smell the musty basement already…

Sadly, after the first episode, Scarlet and I have almost no popularity—nobody love us. All the other couples are getting all the attention on the various chat sites because… well, they’ve made names for themselves.

Bill is the V.P of the Dukes of Hazzard Fan Club and compares himself to Enos; Lauren has an I.Q. of 500, but can’t spell “TATTOO.”
Brad and Krystal: Brad is scoring with Erika.
Erika and Joe: Erika is scoring with Brad and Joe is the victim of their relationship. (Can’t say I blame everyone for feeling bad for the guy, either.)
Chuck and Caitilin: Chuck is “Dr. Nosebleed” according to one chat room.
Eric and Cheryl: “1942 is when Columbus sailed the ocean blue” and they left the house already.
Richard is… Richard and Mindi has been so very super-duper incredibly patient with him.

As for Scarlet and me… I make funny faces when she tries to teach me to dance. I think that was the most significant thing that happened between us during the first episode. And I find it incredibly sad that after watching the show, I sat back and thought objectively about how we didn’t get enough exposure on camera to develop personalities that could allow the viewers to love us, hate us or make them want to lose their collective lunches.

Still, there are still five episodes to go and you’ll be seeing us at least one more time coming up on Wednesday. And if you watched the promo for next week, you already know that when it comes to giving massaged to five women in their bikinis, “This is great!” If that doesn’t get people’s attention… maybe I’ll have to expose myself on camera.