Month: January 2006

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My brain runneth over

I’m in one of those moods again. No, not for grabbing little puppies and using them as sponges to help clean my back in the shower. That’s reserved for special occasions… like Wednesdays. Since today is a Tuesday, it’s safe to let your dogs out of the kennel for a walk. Just don’t take too long—I’m heating up the water as we speak. And that’s by turning up the temperature, not making use of the hellfire-style chili I ate last night. Heating up water and shooting fireballs out of my sphincter are two very different things, one of which is much more hazardous for any puppies that might be involved.

Yeah, it’s pretty obvious that the studying is going to my head, all right. Little bits of knowledge getting smooshed together, trying to find little cracks and crevices in my brain tissue and hanging on for dear life, hoping that I’ll keep them around for another few weeks until the bar exam. Once that’s over, it’s a quick burst of head-shaking and kapoof! They’re all gone, Etch-a-Sketch style! Naturally, I’m trying not to wiggle my head around too much before then. As much fun as I have mimicking the bobblehead dolls in my room, that might screw me over even worse than when I did it in the kitchen and bashed my head against the counter. About fifteen times until the bobblehead stopped moving. Thankfully, there was only a family gathering that night, so I could get away with “Hey there!” instead of admitting that I couldn’t remember my mother’s name. Or my name, for that matter, but I try not to talk to myself too often in public. In private, though… I’m glad the puppies can’t tell stories.

Sitting here and reflecting, I’m pretty sure that there isn’t any steam coming out of my ears from overheating. There might be steam coming from other places after dinner last night, but not my ears. Of course, it’s hard to tell with headphones in there—if I pull them out and they’re sopping wet… hopefully, those little bits of knowledge haven’t drowned. I could be charged with negligent brain-cellicide and get stuck in the slammer for a couple hundred years. As if banging my head against the counter didn’t count for slammage and brain killage. (Making up words is fun when you’re a little loopy…)

Oh Lordy… Hopefully, that’s enough for tonight. I’m feeling better, my stream of consciousness hath runneth dry and I don’t think a puppy shower will moisten it enough to soak down my headphones. Things might change within the next four hours, though, so don’t push your luck—keep the dogs inside. And watch your cats while you’re at it—remember, variety is the spice of life. As long as it’s not as spicy as hellfire-style chili, I might give it a shot. But given how well cats react to water, those claws might leave a sensation nearly as painful. I better keep them away from my sphincter. And probably my brain, too. Slash marks in my head results in nuggets of information pouring out of my skull and I don’t want to have to relearn everything if I can help it…

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Acting your age is overrated

[First off, I’d like to apologize to my older brother, Brent—he turned 33 on January 9th and I never mentioned anything on here. My bad…]

Today is my little brother Justin’s 26th birthday. (Why little brother versus younger brother? Because I’m 6?4?, Brent is 6?3? and Justin… is 5?8?. Compared to us, he’s the runt of the litter.) We couldn’t get the family together today due to schedule conflicts, so we all met last week for dinner. At Chuck E. Cheese’s.

For those of you who don’t know, it’s one of those pizza places that has a huge playground, lots of coin-powered games and a huge robotic mouse that sings and wiggles around to the rhythm of the music. Did I mention Justin turns 26 today? Yep, our family is a classy bunch. But dammit, skeeball rules! Especially since you can play it for hours, get lots of tickets and use them to buy practical stuff like stickers and a cheap-ass plastic Slinky! Happy birthday, little dude!

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S2, Episode 3: Why is it the male end?

My three picks are still in the game, which unfortunately came at the cost of Tyson and Thais. [Insert crying and sniffling here] On second thought, I better not cry, ’cause Chris thinks that’s girly behavior and he prefers cussing and spitting tacks. If only Tristin had taken her frustrations out on him…

The geeks found that while the “male” end of nails, screws and staples go into the walls, the “female” ends don’t always want to get pounded or screwed—I just hope no one drew blood. (No pun intended regarding Wes’s last minute addition to the wall…) Joe’s room was nice, but all the little candies and stuff on the comforter? I wouldn’t want to organize those on the bed every time I invited someone to my place. If Josh had used a shelf for the bear, okay, but stapling it to the wall? You might as well head back to the store to look for a big cross and turn the thing into a big, fuzzy crucifix with the bear sacrificing itself to redeem all geeks for their awkwardness.

The beauties found that while the “male” end of computer cords want to go into the “female” ends, they don’t always fit properly—when it doesn’t work, no juice, no bright lights, no music… nada. And given that the host said they had to download “a song,” I wonder if there were a couple choices. “Get the Tupac! Tupac!!”

It looks like Cher might be creeping into Chris territory. Back when I had to choose someone to go to the elimination room, I had plenty of time to think about what I was going to say. When she stood in front of the group and said she hoped Brandon and Amanda would come back, that wasn’t off the cuff—she intended to say it and she deserved the same response for her half-assed apology that Chris received down at the hot tub during Episode 2. (I’m a little surprised that she bothered talking to Chris along with Tristin, but… well, I don’t know about her anymore.)

The same goes for her discussion with Josh after they came back from the challenges. “You only did one thing I told you about!” Here’s the lesson of the day, kids: support your partner. If they screw up, help them understand what they could have done better—chewing them out doesn’t accomplish much. If anything, it creates friction and pisses them off. (If you didn’t see Season 1… just trust me, I know what I’m talking about.) Josh said that he’ll end up having a chat with Cher about her attitude—I hope he gets up the gumption to do it.

Nazi Studier Tyson couldn’t hold up against the lead created by Tristin the Invincible (man, I could see the bloodthirsty look in her eyes every time she was on camera—she really wants a piece of Cher, no question).

Note to Tyson about the lesson of the day: give Thais a hug when you walk in the room. It was pretty obvious that you were really intense about being in the elimination room, but that looked seriously harsh—give her some love to let her know you appreciate her best effort.

Another note to Tyson: Way to score with two chicks at once!

A final note to Tyson: Beauty and the Geek, then Leno, now Twins? If you’re not careful, you could turn into a Richardesque media whore… (And I bite my thumb toward anyone who said Rubik’s Cube skills could never get you anywhere…)

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Nimble fingers

On January 24th, the Tonight Show featured Leyan Lo and Tyson Mao, two students at Cal Tech who gots mad skillz when solving the Rubik’s Cube. They were both invited onstage, Leno showed the audience a Rubik’s cube, explained that Leyan recently set several world records and then asked why Tyson was there. While he held some records until Leyan broke them, he was attending the show as Leyan’s mentor. Why did he lose his title in those events, you might ask? In Tyson’s words, “I was spending time in a mansion with eight beautiful women.” What a sneaky plug for Beauty and the Geek… As would be expected, Leno wouldn’t pursue that statement (shouldn’t plug another network’s programming if the person isn’t a featured guest), so he paused for a moment, stared at the Rubik’s cube in his hand and said, “Well, I don’t believe you.”

Leyan was handed a mixed-up cube, they started a clock and he solved it in about 18 seconds. It was definitely impressive, but could he put those mad skillz to use in some other practical fashion? Leno decided to find out, so he brought out a line of real hotties (there were five or six—I forgot to count because I was laughing so hard… oh, and last week, a friend of mine was absolutely shocked that a Mensa member would use a word like “hotties,” so I feel obligated to keep saying it from time to time…). Leno asked Leyan if he’d ever unhooked a bra before—Leyan nodded over at Tyson and said, “He’s probably got more experience.” But Tyson stood to the side and watched as his prodigy went to work, getting them all opened up in eight seconds. Solving bra straps faster than a Rubik’s Cube… I guess it’s all a question of motivation.