shawnbakken.net

I was checking out craigslist.org in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area to see what kinds of writing/editing jobs might be available. There was one for an “Electronic Publisher/Proofreader” posted by this company:

JPG & Associates, Inc.
“The Publications Professionals”

It looked intriguing, but I don’t think I’ll be applying because I don’t meet a lot of the qualifications:

1. Advanced skills in MS Word (templates, book marks, hyperlinks, etc.), Adobe Acrobat, MS Visio.
2. Experience working Documentum or other document management system.
3. High attention to detail.
4. Must be able to start end of May.
5. Must be able to work on-site 8:00-5:00.
6. Previous contract experience is preferred.

I know very little about the first two, but 3 and 4 disturb me. They want someone with high attention to detail who is also able to start working at the end of May. My problem? The ad was posted on June 12th. They want to hire a proofreader who apparently started working for them two weeks ago. If that’s what they’re looking for, maybe I should start working on my resume and list all the jobs I’m planning on having through 2009…

George Carlin, one of my favorite comedians, died on June 22nd, 2008. Bummer…

But now that he’s croaked, you’ll find all these blogs and videos on Youtube that say R.I.P. I gotta say that considering the guy didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell, people are being awfully presumptuous about what he’s doing now. Resting in peace? Seriously?

He’s dead! He’d be the first one to tell you (assuming that he was capable of speaking from the grave… and assuming you could hear him through six feet of dirt…) that he’s not resting nor is he in peace. Either his corpse is lying there completely immobile with no semblance of consciousness or awareness attached to it or he’s screaming and banging on the inside of the coffin to let him out. (Personally, I think he’d appreciate the irony of the latter.)

Regardless, I want to take a moment of time to reflect on the happiness and joy that I’ve received while listening to his CDs, watching him on TV and seeing him perform live twice. Those good times may be over—at least the good times that involved new material—but his spirit will live on inside each and every once of us until… wait… that’s right, he’s dead. Never mind.

“Did you guys go out to dinner?”
“We were out… saving homeless squirrels.”

If you think a guy has issues, make sure they’re part of his subscription to a magazine.

It’s perhaps the most used and abused type of website known to all mankind. Okay, maybe not that Amazonian tribe that’s never had contact with the outside world. I’m not kidding—when a helicopter flew overhead, they shot arrows at it—so they probably don’t have wireless Internet access there.

But if you don’t know what a blog is, don’t feel guilty. After sending out a survey to a bajillion imaginary people, they responded with some interesting definitions that… well, see how many of them sound right to you. (more…)