What is “batcave blogging”?

I was logging into the blog a couple minutes ago to write a quick entry about a Facebook group called “America is not U.S.A. America is a Continent.” It’s true, America doesn’t consist solely of The United States of America; it’s all of North and South America. North America + South America = TWO continents. But that’s beside the point at the moment.

The first thing I did was check out the spam filter because, well, there are usually some interesting (and sometimes amusing) messages posted by websites that think I need to work out more, need cheap mp3 files and need a bigger penis. They may be right, but that’s beside the point at the moment as well. This time, I found a comment written by an actual person with a valid opinion that should probably be addressed. (When you read it, you’ll understand why it got blocked by the spam filter.) Continue reading “What is “batcave blogging”?”

“I always sparkle when I’m high.”

I’ll admit it, I went ahead and watched Twilight earlier this week. Thankfully, I was listening to an mp3 file from Rifftrax at the same time—commentary provided by the same people who produced MST3K in its later years—so I never felt the need to grab a pencil to puncture my eyeballs or eardrums to ease the pain. In fact, I almost feel bad that I missed some of the horrific, angst-filled dialogue because of the commentary, but better safe than punctured.

The thing that concerned me the most—even more than the sparkles and the 90-year-old’s desire for a teenager—was when Bella made Edward fess up about being a vampire. During the course of that conversation, he told her, “You’re like heroin.”

Now I have two concerns. Think about this for a second: he doesn’t eat food, he doesn’t sleep, he sparkles, he can leap over tall buildings in a single… well, he can climb big trees really fast. My point is that his biological makeup isn’t the same as a regular human’s anymore—how likely is it that heroin would have any effect on him at all, let alone the effect that Bella seems to have?

I did a little bit of research and found out that heroin did exist back in the early 1900’s, so it’s possible that he would have known what it was like while he was still human, but that would also mean Edward was using heroin as a teenager. Sure, it was sold as medicine, but if he remembers it being that much of a rush, he must have had a lot of coughing fits as a kid.

Even if we brush this concern off to the side and just assume that Edward knows what heroin is like, what does that say about his relationship with Bella? He’s extremely possessive and wants to keep her for his own. He thinks about her day and night. He’s willing to rip out the throat of someone trying to take her from him. He got a taste of her and needed an intervention to stop drinking her blood. He wants her to stay away from him, but can’t let her go. She is what he lives for.

Time to face the facts, Twilight fans: EDWARD IS A JUNKIE! (Feel free to reach for your pencils now.)

I’m a fast healer, bub.

My next PT session was supposed to be on Tuesday, but someone decided to go ahead and die on my physical therapist… well, not actually on her, but the person kicked the bucket and the funeral got scheduled for the same day. I guess they didn’t think I should be doing knee exercises next to the coffin, so I bumped my appointment up to Monday instead.

I was a little concerned because I’ve been having a little hitch in my knee recently. When standing upright, I could bend my knee to point my foot backwards, but when stepping forward and bringing my knee up to lift my leg, it would get to a point and then stop. I could force it after a moment and it wasn’t bad after warming up a little, but there was a point during my exercises the next before when I started marching in place and, well, I couldn’t at first. I was able to lift my knee up on the second try, but I was definitely concerned.

I was telling the therapist about this while doing some new exercises and she thought it was probably just part of the healing process. She recommended that I massage my kneecap on the sides of my scar and see if that would help. I think it has, but it’s only been about 12 hours, so who knows?

Oh yeah, and during said new exercises, she had me take the brace off my leg. I was walking without it, balancing without it, pedaling an exercise bike without it… did I mention that knee surgery was two weeks ago? In her words, I’m “way ahead of schedule.” Woot!

She also gave me official permission to ditch the crutches. In a way, I’ll miss them. Sure, I may not need them, but they were fun sometimes. Last week, I was walking out of a building that had fire doors at the exits (the kind where you have to push the bar across the middle to open it). I could have pushed the handicapped button and made the door open automatically, but that would have taken too long. Instead, I planted the crutches on the floor, leaped up with my left foot, rocked forward and kicked the door open. Way more fun.

Unlike the crutches, the leg brace will be around for another month or so. Also unlike the crutches, I needed to have the size of the brace adjusted again. Last week, it was because the swelling around my knee had gone down and it was getting really loose. This time, it was… there were probably multiple problems with it. The guy who adjusted it that time had it nice and snug around my leg, but the joint on the brace is supposed to be at the point where my knee bends. It’s supposed to be there. For some ungodly reason, he had it sitting back about an inch, so I was pulling against the brace every time I tried to bend my knee.

I started playing with the straps on my own as soon as I got home. It felt better after that, but then several days later, winter decided it hadn’t made a strong enough impression over the last few months and the temperature started dropping into the 30s. Time to start playing with the straps again so I can wrap it around my leg while wearing jeans…

The guy who made the adjustments this time didn’t screw around. He held the left side against the left side of my leg, then proceeded to use one of the tables and his body weight to bend it into shape. Same thing on the other side: compare shapes, then lean on it against the table so it would conform to the shape of my leg. It’s obviously not a delicate process and apparently sometimes the brace will say “No mas!” just before he breaks it. I don’t know if that comes out of his paycheck, but it makes for a good story.

My current status two weeks after surgery: I don’t have a bionic knee or crutches, but I do have a form-fitted leg brace and what appears to be an enhanced healing factor. (Now if I can match that with some metallic claws popping out of the backs of my hands, I’ll totally be kicking some major ass… but just with my left leg.)

Scalpel… clamps… drill… screwdriver…

Yeah, I know, I only made it through the first prequel and my concerns about the flu, which thankfully only lasted about 48 hours. Now it’s almost two weeks after surgery. Whether it’s because I’ve been focusing on healing or because I’m lazy… once again, I ain’t gonna tell you. Suffice it to say that it’s time for a flashback.

Monday, April 26th, was “ACL Replacement Day”. My little brother Justin was at work, but both my parents and older brother Brent accompanied me to the hospital so they could sit in the waiting room while I was in surgery. And they waited. And waited. And waited. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Continue reading “Scalpel… clamps… drill… screwdriver…”