I went to see Lord of the Rings tonight and saw a preview for The Butterfly Effect. It starred Ashton Kutcher, who could make himself go back in time to prevent the death of his girlfriend. Kinda like The Time Machine, really, except the scientist never hit someone over the head with a baseball bat and went to jail for it. Or banged Demi Moore, for that matter. Continue reading “The Butterfly Effect”
I’m very impressed with myself. Last week was full of final exams—one on Monday, a take-home that I picked up and turned in 24 hours later, another exam on Thursday and a final paper for a writing class due Friday. And during that entire time, I didn’t write anything in here. Believe me, I wanted to. I could hear a little voice in the back of my head screaming, “Please, God, anything but this!!” Continue reading “I have self-restraint?”
OPTIMIST — “The glass is half full.”
PESSIMIST — “The glass is half empty.”
REALIST — Drinks the water and gets on with his life.
SURREALIST — “Whoa. It’s an octopus.”
IDEALIST — “Water! Nectar of the gods!”
CAPITALIST — “So, how much can we get for selling this?”
ENVIRONMENTALIST — “Put the glass down! The water is filled with chemicals! Let’s tie ourselves to trees in protest!”
ACTIVIST — “Damn the man! Break the glass! Show them we mean business!”
PACIFIST — “Do what you want with the water, just don’t hurt me.”
ME — “Screw water, I need something with caffeine. I have a 20-page paper due tomorrow morning and I haven’t started it yet.”
That’s right, it’s 2:00 AM. I haven’t the slightest idea how this got started, but while I was an undergrad, John (my roommate for three years) and I would occasionally start thinking deep thoughts about God, the universe and whether those little Listerine strips will still freshen your breath if they get stuck to the roof of your mouth. Like I said, deep thoughts. And this would almost always happen sometime between 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning.
Continue reading “The God Hour”
I know, I’m stealing material from another source, but I felt the need to share. If anyone who submitted these quotes to the Mensagenda wants credit, just post a notice and you’ll get the props you deserve. If you’re lying about submitting these quotes, I’ll post a notice and you’ll get the anti-props you deserve. Plus your nose will grow really long. And I’ll tell your parents and you’ll get a serious paddlin’ when you get home. Continue reading “Word Play”
Looking back at the (short) list of entries up to this point, I now know why I’ve been producing so little output—I’m spending too much time getting ready to write instead of just writing.
Back in college, I had a plan; after school was over, I had a journal. I made a lot more entries into those because I let myself write freestyle. I wasn’t concerned about what message I might be trying to get across or how the punchline would integrate with the rest of the story/article/piece of crap I threw together while trying to avoid studying for an exam. It worked out just fine back then and I’m now determined to make it work again. It might not, but dammit, I’m willing to try. At least that way, the span of time that it took to fill the opening page won’t be almost half a year. Continue reading “I figured out what the problem is”