Author: Shawn

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Happy New Year!

I was watching TV at a friend’s place when the ball in New York Square was dropping. (Technically, I was watching it an hour later during a not-so-live TV presentation, but you get the idea.) Five seconds before it landed, my friend yelled out that everyone should lift their left leg, so we all stood stork-like in his living room, counting down until it became 2008.

A new year was upon us, at which point he explained that everyone had started the year off on the right foot. I hope you all did the same. Except maybe without looking like a bird holding a glass of sparkling apple cider.

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Head Case

Things seem to be slowing down on the blog these days—sure, you could say it’s because I’m lazy, but I prefer to avoid blame and say there’s a third party responsible. Like it’s the butterfly effect and some 13-year-old kid in Zimbabwe has a nasty case of uncontrolled flatulence. Every time he farts, another moment of inspiration escapes me. And if you think he’s an innocent party, maybe you should blame Sally Struthers for begging for the food that caused said uncontrolled flatulence. Continue reading “Head Case”

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Well, it’s not a typo, but…

After filling out an online survey about a product I recently purchased, the company offered me a free year’s subscription for up to four magazines on their list. It was pretty extensive and showed a recent cover for each one. There was Entertainment Weekly, Reader’s Digest, Entrepreneur… and then there was Ebony. “Wait a sec… Nah, that can’t be right.” So I clicked on the magazine and zoomed in on the cover. Sure enough, the person on the cover of Ebony was Michael Jackson.

I guess the article was about the 25 years after Thriller (back when he had slightly pigmented skin and some semblance of a nose), but seriously, is he still considered ebony at this point? Shouldn’t he just get his own color in the crayon box or something? Still, I guess that’s better than putting him on the cover of some of the others. Like Good Housekeeping. Or Kiplinger’s Personal Finance Magazine. Or FamilyFun. Yeah, parents would love that one…

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No redemption for you!

Two weeks ago, I got a phone call from someone at William Mitchell asking if I’d participate in an alumni discussion group. It was pretty simple: a group of us would meet on campus, grab some dinner, then talk about… stuff. I didn’t know what the topic of the day would be, but free food? Hell, yeah!

So I showed up tonight without any expectations (aside from the free food part). I thought I might have been able to throw a monkey wrench into the works by saying that I haven’t done much with my law degree except put it on a table next to my high school and college diplomas. Alas, twas not to be. Instead, I ate lasagna, some bread, two brownies and missed an opportunity. Continue reading “No redemption for you!”

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Today’s lesson on geography

Okay, technically, it’s November 25th’s lesson on geography, but even though I read this article on the Internet a few days later, I needed to say something.
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Ally of Bush Is Defeated in Australia
By TIM JOHNSTON
Published: November 25, 2007

SYDNEY, Australia, Nov. 24 — Australia’s prime minister, John Howard, one of President Bush’s staunchest allies in Asia, suffered a comprehensive defeat at the hands of the electorate on Saturday, as his Liberal Party-led coalition lost its majority in Parliament…
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Here’s your Geography Quiz for the Day!

Question #1: How many continents are there?
Answer: Seven —> Africa, Antarctica, Asia, Australia, Europe, North America, South America

Question #2: Are Asia and Australia on the same continent?
Answer: Ummm… didn’t we just cover this?

Question #3: Should we garnish the wages of this columnist for The New York Times and use them to buy him a globe?
Answer: Nah. Who needs to know anything about the rest of the world when you’re talking about politics?