Author: Shawn

Awwww… why not let Nate get his mullet? If anyone could make a redneck haircut look good, it’d be him.

“Okay, move your face around like this… chin a little lower, not as much teeth… here, like this…” As interesting and fun as “hands-on” learning can be, Andrea playing with Matt’s face looked ridiculous. “Then do this and say, ‘No, no, no…’” Sheesh.

How could all those ladies resist Mario with his puppy dog eyes? I’d pay at least $11 to hang with him. (Speaking of eyes, I thought it was kinda cool how they used a blurry screen when looking from his point of view, but maybe that’s because my vision is pretty blurry when I’m not wearing my glasses, too.)

I think the biggest reason why Niels got the highest bid (aside from being a sexy beast) was because he was the last geek on the auction block. The last few guys got up on stage, shook their stuff, did some posturing and I didn’t think any of them stuck out as the “biggest prize” (i.e., they were all sexy beasts). By the end, there would be a couple of low bids and then they’d immediately jump up to the highest bid for the previous geek.

First Tori, now Jennylee… what is it with these girls? They have a dispute with their partners about a challenge or an elimination and suddenly, “I can’t talk to you anymore, I can’t even look at you, being in your presence gives me constipation!”

You wanna know why Andrea and Matt went to the elimination room? It’s because she had a seriously abrasive attitude. If you act snotty towards other snotty people, guess how they’re going to respond? They’re gonna try to kick your ass outta the house by pitting you against one of the strongest couples there every chance they get.

Unlike last season, the “bad guy” didn’t have a revelation and become a nicer person right before leaving the mansion. Exactly like last season, a new “bad guy” has stepped up and we’ll have to see how everyone responds to Cecille’s power-tripping after she and Nate survived a trip to the elimination room.

I definitely like Scooter now. Teasing skanks make a move on him, so he makes Cecille stretch waaaaay up to the ceiling and then she crashes and burns. Okay, maybe the fireplace was too far away for burning, but she definitely crashed. Hard. Good job, Scooter!

Either naked women are the geek equivalent of an Etcha-Sketch or they simply don’t listen to anything the host says. He introduced her as Sophia, she introduced herself as Sophia, the robe came off and *shake* *shake* *shake*… everything goes bye-bye.

I can accept that some of them might become afflicted with their brains being erased after being exposed to naked breasts, but c’mon… four stick figures worshipping one in Piao’s drawing? She had a nice ass, too!
While watching the drawing session, I felt the urge to walk up, grab Sophia and tell her, “Quit moving around so much! You’re ruining my stick figures’ attempts to worship your best assets!”

I wonder what a barbequed genome would taste like…

Sputnik, Mars Rover, Wright Brothers glider… what’s the difference? They all go up in the air, then come back down—what else do you need to know?

I hope the people in the museum got a real tour after going around with the beauties. I hate to think they’d go home thinking, “Wow… there really is life on Mars! I better go home and make some crop circles so they visit me tonight!”

After the first episode, I talked about how Sanjay should have been a better partner for Tori, given her more moral support, etc. After hearing some of Sheree’s criticism towards Piao, I think she needed even more help than Sanjay with relating to people on the opposite side of the beauty-geek spectrum.

After two relatively peaceful seasons, the beauties have finally descended into the lower realms of cattiness. The geeks are still cool and like each other a whole bunch, but it feels like the girls are willing to rip off people’s heads and spit down their throats to win the money. And that’s what they’d do to their friends…
Blondes vs. brunettes! Cage match to the death, no holds barred! May the best girl stay in the mansion! … So what happens next week when the blondes run out of prey since there’s only one brunette left? … Clique be damned! You’re all goin’ down!

Holy shit! They found a host who made it to a second season! What is the world coming to?

Holy shit! They got to stay out in L.A. for eight weeks! I was there for two! I got screwed!

So after two hours, does anyone know who’s going to win yet? Unfortunately, I found a website a week or two ago that had a few pictures from the show. More unfortunately, a few of those pictures were before-and-after shots of some of the geeks’ makeovers. Grrrr… Regardless, if we go by last season’s theory about who’s making it deep into the playoffs, given that they were on-screen for approximately three minutes, I’m thinking the teams of Niels and Jennylee and Scooter and Megan are in pretty good shape.

I’m not sure how much I like the new elimination room process. Having four questions instead of six and all four people in the same room was a nice change, but everyone else watching on a TV? Why? Sitting back and wondering who would open the door was a lot more interesting. Plus we always shared the questions and answers with the other teams waiting upstairs. Maybe the producers wanted more people saying “New York Stock Exchange,” making the people providing the wrong answers look even more stupid. Bastards.
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Side Note:

I don’t think people should get too pissy about Mario’s behavior. At the beginning of Season 1, Krystal walked into the room and introduced herself. Aside from being a cheerleader, she was really into astrology and Sylvia Brown (that lady who talks to the dead). My thoughts: “No way. No way in hell.” I had no idea what we’d be doing at the mansion, but I didn’t want to be paired up with someone like her. I’m guessing that they were all talking about who was gonna partner up with Cecille and, well, he had to express his sentiments out loud.

Right after Brad left to join Krystal, Richard went over to the other room to introduce himself. We didn’t hear what he said, but we did hear them all saying, “He looks like Urkel!” We all heard it. Through two sets of curtains. They didn’t say it using their “indoor voices.” They said it loudly. All of us were wincing, imagining what a slap in the face that must have been. That was before we realized that was probably the reaction he was looking for, but when it happened… ouch. Thus, when Mario heard the girls saying the same kinds of things… ouch.
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The Good:

Nate and Scooter figured out that they should ask the people wearing scrubs to apply the suntan lotion. People who work in a hospital aren’t gonna be nearly as squeamish about rubbing some random person’s back. (Get the feeling the producers planned that location for a reason? Me, too.)

Some of the geeks were really funny up on stage. Piao, on the other hand… I had thought to myself during the previews, “I wonder if they were allowed to swear during their routines.” Well, he answered that question pretty thoroughly: “[Bleeeeeep] that I [bleeeeeeep] and then she [bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep] so I crossed [bleeeeep] and [bleeeeeeeep] her dog [bleeeeeeeep] until it couldn’t [bleeeep] anymore.”

Sheree found out it’s really easy to ask a simple question, then let the guest run off at the mouth about that topic until her time was up.
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The Bad:

The editors for making the babbling noises and the screen blurring a little while people were talking to Jennylee. Yes, maybe everything went over her head, but just let her look confused and be done with it.
Ummm… I don’t remember how the Dewey Decimal System works. I could make an educated guess ’cause I’m smart ‘n’ stuff, but off-hand… ummm… yeah.

We have our evil bitch! And she’s really evil! The hyper-critical Andrea is already prepared to stomp on Matt’s head and grind it into the floor and all it took to send her over the edge was not running out the library door. Think their team might be in trouble already? (It is nice to know that she didn’t want him playing dress-up with Cecille for his dignity’s sake, but c’mon, let the man be a pimp for a night.)

And what the hell was with playing dress-up and kissing Matt with the stuffed rabbit, anyway? Please tell me Cecille stopped sucking her thumb when she was a baby…

No one ran up, punched the host in the face, grabbed the $20K, then blamed it on someone else. Speaking of the money, what if only one partner tried to drop the baton? Would it stay in the other’s hand? Would Andrea have had to punch Matt in the face, throw the baton on the floor, grab the $20K, then blame it on someone else? Then we’d have another person who got a nosebleed during the first episode of a season!
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The Whiny:

Do I need to say it? To be honest, I almost wish Tori and Sanjay weren’t eliminated right away because it seemed like they could have gotten a lot more out of the experience. Sanjay would have learned a little tolerance for his partner and that you gotta support her even when she screws up big-time. “We’ll study harder for the next challenge” would have been better than silence when she was crying after finishing her broadcast.

That being said… damn. And all my ex-girlfriends call me an emotional basket-case. That girl’s gotta realize that at certain times, studying comes before beauty sleep. When it doesn’t, the results can be ugly. (By the way, I’m guessing she only zoned out once when they were starting her broadcast, but the editors played it twice to make her look even worse.) Then she demands moral support, but won’t accept help or apologies after it doesn’t come right away… damn. I’m guessing they were doomed to fail as a team, but I still think the individuals might have benefited from being in the mansion.
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A Final Note:

Holy shit! A threesome! … There’s gonna be a threesome next week?! And people say I wasn’t a geek…

Okay, so the title has very little to do with what I’m writing in here, but I thought it had a nice ring to it.

What I’m writing in here is that the commentary about each episode of Beauty and the Geek, Season 3 will be based on what appears on camera and perhaps an occasional theory about what might have happened that got left on the proverbial cutting room floor. If anything or anyone is mischaracterized (assuming that’s a word), blame it on the editors. Or Hollywood. Or even Ashton Kutcher himself, I really don’t mind. If you try to blame it on me… it’s because I hurt my back playing soccer today and a sudden muscle spasm made me hit the wrong keys on the keyboard. It’s also what made me feed your children to the animals. My bad.