Just a quick note to everyone: if you wanna be bad-mouthing each other, do it someplace else–there are plenty of other crappy forums on the Internet that’ll let you post just about anything using any kind of garbled abbreviations, misspellings or random remarks that have no intellectual or humorous value whatsoever. If you wanna post comments on here… I reserve the rights to being the potty-mouth and removing anything I deem inappropriate.
Take that, Britney!
I was just checking out E! Online and found out Beauty and the Geek kicked Britney Spears’ ass in the ratings! (We topped her show “Chaotic” by 27 places and 2 million viewers!) It’s pretty obvious why that’s the case—if you look at our mouths during the show, you can tell that all of us are a lot better at lip-synching.
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Geeks Speak!
People magazine. June 27th, 2005. The bachelor issue. Page 90. A cast photo of Beauty and the Geek. Little snippets of each guy’s phone interview. Stuff I said. Weird…
But I’m a tad frustrated—after reading everyone’s quotes, it feels like they did a real hack-job on mine. I’m sure you’ll all want to go out to the local newsstand and buy your own copy, so if you don’t want me to spoil it, move on to a different post. For the rest of you, follow me… Continue reading “Geeks Speak!”
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The height of success
After weeks of reading a multitude of posts on the WB’s Beauty and the Geek website, I feel the need to make an official statement. To the seven people (and their supporters) who have determined that Scarlet is too short to win:
You’re a bunch of idiots.
I know I’m not supposed to talk about what’s going on behind the camera, but I think it’s safe to assume that the producers didn’t set up a slam-dunk competition for any of the upcoming challenges.
If you want a challenge of your own, get a ruler and a cast photo. First, measure the height of the first step. Second, measure the difference between the tops of Mindi’s and Scarlet’s heads. Pretty cool how the distance is almost exactly the same, huh? And if you calculate the number of stairs between Scarlet and Lauren, you’ll find that the distance is almost exactly the same again.
At 6’4”, I’m tall enough that all three of them fit under my chin with their high heels on. Thus, if Scarlet’s critics are right, Lauren or Mindi would have spelled her doom by becoming my partner because “she’s too short to win.” Bummer…
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Fame in Minnesota
I’m not sure whether it’s the people here, but I get some of the strangest reactions from people when I see them/meet them for the first time. I still haven’t gone strolling through the Mall of America yet, but aside from that… no one’s initiated any kind of interaction. Not even the people who know me. Continue reading “Fame in Minnesota”
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Donations you shouldn’t claim on your tax return
There’s nothing wrong with telling the IRS that you gave money to good causes like Boy Scouts of America, ASPCA, Booger-Eaters Anonymous… whatever floats your boat. (I can’t say I’ve ever collected enough boogers to see if they could keep a boat on their surface, but stay with me here.) There are also groups that want stuff other than money, including Habitat for Humanity, Goodwill, Booger-Eaters Anonymous… maybe the members run out of their own once in a while, I dunno. But there’s one company that doesn’t fit into either of those categories: Cryogenic Laboratories, Inc.
I got a letter from them a while back asking me to donate “gametes.” For those of you who don’t know what those are—I had to look it up in the dictionary, too—they’re an essential element of spooge. These people want to pay me money to jerk off. Boy, when opportunity knocks on my door, it’s looking to pound it off the hinges. Since I don’t want to hoard the amusement for myself, here’s the letter with an added bonus: commentary by yours truly. And before you start asking, no, I haven’t been honing my donation technique and the keys on my keyboard aren’t sticky while I type this. Continue reading “Donations you shouldn’t claim on your tax return”
