Category: Beauty and the Geek

Posted on

With a crayon?

I was having lunch at T.G.I. Friday’s on Sunday with my family to celebrate my birthday—technically, not my birthday, but it’s hard enough getting everyone together, let alone on a Wednesday. We had dinner, the staff came out with balloons and some lemons and limes. Usually they bring an ice cream sundae instead, but I’d already eaten a piece of cheesecake for dessert. Which didn’t stop me from wishing that the lemons and limes would turn into an ice cream sundae when I blew out the candle…

When it was time for us to leave, I had the balloons on a string wrapped around my wrist. Mom was about to help me take it off, but I figured, “What the hell, I’ll just leave it on when I put on my jacket.” Consequently, as we were walking out of the restaurant, I had six white balloons rubbing against my head that were attached to a string coming up out of my collar. I imagine it looked really cute, which would explain why some people were giving me funny looks as we left.

So we stood outside saying our goodbyes: me, Mom, Dad, Justin, Brent, his wife Gail and their daughter Gemma. At one point, I looked and saw some girls in the entryway looking out, bouncing around and laughing hysterically. Justin said, “I think you’ve been recognized,” but given that they were still inside the restaurant, I figured they were getting a kick out of the balloons. When they ran back in, I thought that was it. Until they ran back out. With a crayon and some napkins.

Thankfully, we had an extra phone book at home that we gave to Brent that night, so he held it out as I wrote “Best Wishes” to Jenna and “Happy 13th Birthday” to Kristin. Yeah, I sometimes get a kick out of signing autographs, but using a crayon to write on a napkin… that’s hard as hell. There was a third girl who Justin coaxed out of the restaurant by telling her, “He’s a person, too!” She hadn’t watched Beauty and the Geek, though, so she felt too awkward to ask for my autograph. I felt a little bad for her, but glad that I didn’t have to write on any more napkins.

As they ran back inside, I tried giving them the crayon, but… well, they ran back inside pretty fast. With a “grape” crayon sitting in my hand, all I could hope was that Kristin hadn’t blown out her candle and used her birthday wish to meet me—those ice cream sundaes are pretty damn good…

Posted on

Censorship Sucks!

Technically, I guess I’m not being censored at this point, but…

Earlier today, a friend from the production company called after she checked out the blog and all the “Beauty & The Geek” entries. She recommended that because they’re casting for the second season, it would probably be safer if I took down the entries explaining how I got onto the show. Some potential contestants might have expectations after what they read, so if something happens or doesn’t happen the way I wrote it, they might get confused and/or pissed off, mention that they heard something different from me and then we’re both screwed, which for me could mean the blog getting shut down.

This is some serious irony, if you ask me:
I wrote a bunch of blog entries about how I got cast on B&tG.
Because it did so well, a lot of people have read this blog.
Also because it did so well, they’re casting for a second season.
If potential contestants for the second season read certain blog entries, I might get in trouble.
Therefore, because the show did so well, I might get in trouble.

It’s possible that nothing would happen, but to avoid incurring the wrath of the bloodthirsty lawyers, I privatized the pre-“in L.A.” entries describing the casting process so no one can read them. In addition: DISCLAIMER: The casting process will be different for each potential contestant, so don’t rely on anything I’ve written previously. If that doesn’t keep me out of trouble… anyone got a spare crucifix?

Posted on

How to Get Cast on Beauty and the Geek 2

Multiple people… okay, multiple geeks have been asking for some insight about how to get onto the show for its second season. It’s such a simple equation that it’s not worthy of the term “equation.” Here’s what you need to do, guys:

Be yourself. That’s it. That’s all it took for me and I’m pretty sure that’s all it took for the other guys. If the show’s execs like who you are, they’ll cast you; if they don’t… I don’t know what’ll happen, but you won’t end up in the mansion. If you follow the steps, answer their questions and questionnaires honestly, you’ll have a lot better chance than if you create some bogus personality to try and improve your odds. (You’ll be in front of a camera many times—if your behavior changes between interviews, they’ll catch you and you’ll be out on your ass before you can say, “Hey, at least let me say ‘Hi’ to Ashton!”)

If you want an alternative method, you can check out Joe’s blog and read his post, How to Win at Beauty and the Geek. [His blog is no longer active—his new website is www.JoeandHassan.com.] Here’s his advice: Play dumb. The basis for his theory? He knew enough about pop culture that he didn’t seem like a geek, which was why he and Erika ended up in the elimination room in both of the first two episodes. No offense to Joe, but I can explain why it happened and it had nothing to do with his lack of geekiness.

Episode 1: Richard and Mindi won both challenges and had to pick both couples for the elimination room. Their choice of Eric and Cheryl seemed fairly arbitrary—I have no idea what their motivation was—but their decision of Erika and Joe was because Erika came in second for the 5th grade test. Richard and Mindi wanted to get rid of the couple who seemed like the greatest threat to them at the time, so WOOSH! Off to the elimination room for you!

Episode 2: Chuck and Caitilin won both challenges and had to pick both couples for the elimination room. This time, there were some personal relationships involved—Caiti and Lauren had become close (How many people talk about killing all the geeks in the mansion so they could start having fun?), so she and Bill were safe. Chuck and I were good buddies (or maybe he was just using me to get to Scarlet… hmmm…), so we were in the clear. Who was left? Richard and Mindi; Brad and Krystal; Joe and Erika. Their final choice wasn’t based on “Who needs to leave?”, but “Who needs to stay here the most?” Naturally, it was Richard (though we didn’t realize he was a hopeless case until it was too late…).

Thus, the first two episodes that led to Joe and Erika’s departure. We missed them, just like we missed everyone who left, but it was bound to happen eventually.

I guess when you look at those explanations, it seems like creating friendships with other people in the mansion is essential, but I think in our case, it happened naturally. I didn’t plan to latch onto Chuck’s shoulder to help me stick around as long as possible, but we had stuff in common and had fun together—that’s what friendships are made of. On the other hand, if you try to manipulate people and “form alliances” that way… maybe it’d work for you, but when Richard tried it, I wanted to slap him around more than become his ally.

So that’s my recommendation: Be yourself. Beyond that? Don’t make a big deal about saying “Hi” to Ashton or he might decide to grant your wish by throwing you out on your ass himself.

Posted on

Shawn and Mindi sittin’ in a tree…

E-A-T-I… I-N-G. Crap.

Multiple people have been asking to hear the racy details about our dinner together and lemme tell ya, there were a lot (at least until I woke up the next morning). When I was awake and we were actually having dinner, it was pretty relaxed and a lot more fun.

As a side note, I’d like to add that the producers called these dates amongst the cast a “dress rehearsal” for picking up phone numbers the next day and I have mixed feelings about that statement. It’s irritating because if you take out the coaching that Mindi provided (“What’s the worst that could happen if you asked for her phone number?”), dinner and the challenge were completely unrelated. However, considering how much I disliked the challenge, that complete unrelatedness was wonderful.

Back to the topic at hand: I double-checked with Mindi to see what she could remember about our date and it turns out neither of us can recall much of the conversation. (Get that smirk off your faces, you perverts…) There were a lot of things that happened, but aside from the “boosting confidence when going out with hot babes” and going out for late dinners at Perkins with our friends, I couldn’t tell you much more. Maybe it’s because we were both a little nervous.

Yes, that’s right, Mindi was nervous, too. I hadn’t the slightest idea until she wrote back, but in a way, it’s nice to know I wasn’t the only one on the verge of wetting my pants. (Okay, technically, I was the only one since she was wearing a dress, but you get the idea…) So I got to her room to pick her up and she complimented me on my outfit before I could compliment hers (Dammit!). I was a little disappointed that I didn’t say it first (and how often do you hear that the woman finished before the guy?), because she looked really nice in her dress. Makes sense since she was a “beauty” and all…

Then we headed to our dining room and it was a sweet setup. We had a trellis in the background with all the vines hanging from it in front of a glowing fireplace… lemme tell ya, it wasn’t Perkins. I remember I pulled out her chair, though I don’t recall whether I poured her wine or just handed her the bottle, seeing as how I was just having the water in front of me.

That’s right, I don’t drink. Even with the celebratory bottles of champagne after the challenges, I’d either toast with an empty glass or, in the case of the outdoor challenge, a canteen. Just think—if I’m this funny while completely sober all the time, how crazy would it be if I got completely housed?

Or perhaps it’s best not to think about it. I don’t want to be responsible for any of you waking up screaming in the middle of the night, scaring the living bejeezus out of the neighbors so they call 911, because when the cops show up, lights flashing and sirens blaring, what will you tell them? “Shawn made me do it”? I don’t think so.

But like I was saying, we were having a seriously cool dinner together. The food was delicious, the conversation was fun… well, the relationship advice wasn’t fun, per se, but the rest of it was fun… and we had an overall good time. I’m not sure if you could hear the sound clip when Scarlet and I left the elimination room or during the end of the reunion show, but I told Mindi, “Chocolate cake.”

It’s significant because that’s what we had for dessert that night. She only wanted a small slice, so I took a relatively small portion as well. Oh my God, it was sooooooo good. If it weren’t for my being polite, I would have inhaled about half of it before we had to head back upstairs. As it was, I took a canole—it was a pastry with a cream filling. (Kinda like a Twinkie, but not.) Oh my God, it was sooooooo good. Mindi may have been full, but I made her take part of it anyway and she wasn’t complaining afterwards.

When we’d finished eating, I brought her back to her room and we exchanged big kisses on the cheek (Mmmmm-WAH!). Then I knocked on the door and Richard opened it up. I asked if I’d brought her home before curfew, he took a quick look at us, asked a quick question (one more detail I’ve forgotten), then closed the door and locked it. Remember that promo clip of Richard tossing his wine back and hitting his head against the back of his chair? When he locked the door, Mindi started laughing so hard that her head snapped back and she smacked it against the doorframe.

What a great way to end the evening. But it didn’t end there. Once we had finished, Mindi came over to my room and said she’d make out with me if I knew her middle name. (I guessed “Sebastian,” so I only got lucky enough to get that big smooch on my cheek.) Anyway, when we got back together after dinner, we kept talking about more stuff that I don’t remember, but since neither of us jumped up screaming, resulting in the cops showing up at the mansion, that must have been a great way to end the evening as well.

Posted on

Aftermath of the Aftermath

The original post that popped up the day of “Beauty and the Geek: The Aftermath” filled up with comments rather quickly. This one may fill up just as quickly, but at least it’ll contain some commentary from yours truly. If you have questions, this is the place to ask them.

As an added bonus, I’ll be adding the answers to the main text with the answers so you don’t have to keep scrolling down all the way down the list to find them in the comments section. Why? Because I’m lazy, too.
_________________________________________________

We don’t know why Eric wasn’t there. They told Cheryl to say he was hiking in the mountains in Europe, which may or may not have been true—your guess is as good as mine.
_________________________________________________

Regarding “changes in my social life,” here’s what happened. I was talking with a group of people at a Mensa gathering and explained how much I hated getting phone numbers of random women (something I said during the reunion show that was subsequently edited out—can’t imagine why…). One girl had parked her car a couple blocks away and when everyone decided to leave, I walked her to her car. Since I’d been parked a few blocks from the bar in the opposite direction, she offered to drive me to my car.

I got in and we headed over there. I had just a few moments before we parted ways and there were tons of butterflies flapping around and bouncing off the walls of my stomach, but I managed to say, “Is this where I ask you for your phone number?” (Hey, I was nervous as hell—it felt nothing like the challenge because I was planning on using that number if she gave it to me.)

“Are you serious?”

I’m not sure whether I looked her in the eye at that point, but I said “Why not?”

As I said at the reunion show, she did give me her number, it was her real number and we did get together a couple times. (She came to see me play soccer one Sunday morning and I think we grabbed lunch later that week.)

After saying that much at the reunion show, I wanted to get a rise out of the crowd, so I said, “We decided to be friends, but you never know what might happen…” They all went OOOOO-oooo, but since the editors cut out that last sentence, I’m really glad I told the girl what I said before the show aired.
_________________________________________________

There was a portion of the show when I didn’t like Richard very much. When asked about his “rivalry” with Chuck, he just waffled. When asked to compliment Chuck, he just waffled for a couple minutes before coming up with “You remind me of Al Gore.” To me, that meant one of two things: he wasn’t willing to compliment Chuck, which makes him an ass, or he felt the need to stall until he could come up with the funniest possible answer, which also makes him an ass.

Still, I’m glad that he went on his first date. And those fifteen pounds that being on TV adds were really there when I picked him up off the floor.

—> I’ll bet you a nickel that he would have gotten bigger laughs by saying, “According to Shawn, you’ve got really soft lips.”
_________________________________________________

I had one tooth whitened between the show and the reunion. I cracked my upper right front tooth back in high school, so the root is dead—you can lighten the enamel, but the inside will be forever dark. (Poetic, no?) Back in February, the dentist gave me a mold of my upper teeth and some bleach; by using it on that single tooth, my entire smile looks brighter. Sweeeet…
_________________________________________________

For the dance challenge, we were given a CD with 1-minute segments of R&B, disco and salsa. Scarlet taught me the basics of salsa dancing (1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3…), but the rest was kinda freestyle. As such, I felt rather stupid up on stage in front of all those people and once broke down laughing (I was thinking about how much my little brother was going to enjoy watching that on TV).
_________________________________________________

The editors cut out some good stuff and some not-so-good stuff:

I wish they’d left in the part when Scarlet was apologizing profusely about losing her temper after the outdoor challenge so people would understand that it was just a blip of her behavior and not a full-blown character trait.

Conversely, I’m glad they left out this audience question: “Did the Boy Scouts revoke your membership after your meltdown?” It wasn’t “in good fun”; it was blatantly offensive. (I had no trouble answering it—“Part of me still thinks they should have, but it’s all good now”—but it was probably best for the network to chop that part out of the final cut.)
_________________________________________________

Mindi is an incredibly sweet girl. While she basically nursed Richard through the course of the show, she was always caring and supportive of everyone else in the mansion. (I’ll be adding a post one of these days about our dinner together which should give you some additional insight into the kind of person she was.)

As for Mindi’s middle name, I was shocked when Richard didn’t come up with the answer right away (I’m going to remember “bass” for the rest of my life…). Still, that’s what it seemed like—he was waffling again, much like when he was talking about his “rivalry” with Chuck. If you were Mindi and you didn’t think he remembered, wouldn’t you want to make a joke about it (flash back to when she told Richard she’d make out with him if they won the money)? When she made that suggestion, he jumped right up and said [drum roll, please] “Nicole.”

In Ashton Kutcher terms, she’d been punk’d. Again, if you were Mindi and got played like that, wouldn’t you be screaming, “Richard, I hate you!”? Honestly, I was impressed that she followed through with her offer and even more impressed because she gave him more action than Lauren when she came over and tackled Richard to provide him with some sweet, sweet lovin’.

I’ve heard the rumor about Mindi and Brian floating around on the Internet. I’m pretty skeptical for two reasons:

1) She’s currently living in Missouri and I fairly certain Brian’s still in L.A.
2) She’s got pretty good taste in a lot of stuff and I’d like to think that includes whoever she might be dating nowadays.