Horror of horrors! Those were Chuck’s hands rubbing Scarlet’s back!
Girls: We have liftoff! (2-liter bottles + baking soda + vinegar = kablooey!)
Guys: C’mon, guys, let’s go shopping! (“They said my name and my jaw hit the floor.”)
I’d say I was speechless, but you could see my lips saying “Wow” a lot.
“You’re trying to form an alliance, aren’t you?”
Caitilin won one challenge, I won the other.
Richard and Mindi & Brad and Krystal go to the elimination room.
Brad and Krystal go home. (Richard vows revenge.)
What were you thinking?!
Here’s another post you can use to learn some of what’s been going on in the mansion. Or at least in my head while in the mansion. I figure I can put this on the blog and let people ask questions about what I’ve been thinking in the last two episodes, my thoughts after tomorrow (Episode 3), etc. Again, I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to answer them right away—the WB knows about this site and has the power to destroy my life and make me a miserable shell of a man who once had the power to screw up the backs of multiple hot women over the span of ten minutes.
For example, you can post something like “Why did you punch Richard in the head after he peeked into the bathroom while you were taking a dump?” I would in turn post “You’ll never, never, ever be invited to my house, freak boy…” Perhaps your questions will be a bit more mundane, in which case I’ll response more mundanely myself… or not. But hopefully you’ll get an answer with actual information that way.
Oh yeah, and if the WB tells me not to post any “motivation” entries, you’ll be reading one about censorship instead. (No offense to the powers that be.)
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Episode 2: Greasy fingers
The cast discovers that Eric and Cheryl have left the premises without saying their final goodbyes.
Richard begins to channel the essence of Woody Allen.
“I want to form an alliance. Nothing I say or do should be taken seriously.”
Girls: They never played with Matchbox cars as kids. (“Scarlet had a helluva time with the lug nuts.” And she was in front until she got to the tire…)
Guys: Giving the ladies a lube job. (Note to self: applying too much pressure + shaky hands = pissed-off woman.)
Chuck and Caitilin win both challenges.
Joe and Erika & Brad and Krystal head to the Elimination Room.
Joe and Erika go home.
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Coming out of the closet… um, basement.
Boy, you read these chat sites long enough and you find all sorts of stuff you didn’t know about yourself. And then you find stuff that you do know about yourself. Here’s a quote from the WB’s official page for Beauty and the Geek as to why Scarlet and I won’t win:
Heather, Atlanta
06/04/2005 16:24
While Shawn is a nice guy, he just doesn’t have the drive that the winner will need. This is a guy who has a LAW DEGREE but hasn’t passed the bar and lives in his parents’ basement at 28. Granted, he has more room for improvement than some of the other guys. My favorite part of this pairing is that he doesn’t drink but got paired with the beer spokesmodel.
I figure since I’m trying to dispel rumors, I might as well own up to the truth as well. At least to the current history part. Yep to nice guy, not drinking, LAW DEGREE, not passing the bar, room for improvement and parents’ basement. (Can’t say about the basement part for him, but family and friends like to comfort me by noting that JFK didn’t pass the bar the first time, either…)
As for the drive to win, I can’t say. Well, I could, but is proving whether I have the drive to win worth a $5,000,000 lawsuit? I know I’m not allowed to practice law yet, but I can still do math and I’m pretty sure the answer is “No.” We’ll just have to wait and see who gets to rub the other’s nose in the end result. I can smell the musty basement already…
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On the inside looking in
Sadly, after the first episode, Scarlet and I have almost no popularity—nobody love us. All the other couples are getting all the attention on the various chat sites because… well, they’ve made names for themselves.
Bill is the V.P of the Dukes of Hazzard Fan Club and compares himself to Enos; Lauren has an I.Q. of 500, but can’t spell “TATTOO.”
Brad and Krystal: Brad is scoring with Erika.
Erika and Joe: Erika is scoring with Brad and Joe is the victim of their relationship. (Can’t say I blame everyone for feeling bad for the guy, either.)
Chuck and Caitilin: Chuck is “Dr. Nosebleed” according to one chat room.
Eric and Cheryl: “1942 is when Columbus sailed the ocean blue” and they left the house already.
Richard is… Richard and Mindi has been so very super-duper incredibly patient with him.
As for Scarlet and me… I make funny faces when she tries to teach me to dance. I think that was the most significant thing that happened between us during the first episode. And I find it incredibly sad that after watching the show, I sat back and thought objectively about how we didn’t get enough exposure on camera to develop personalities that could allow the viewers to love us, hate us or make them want to lose their collective lunches.
Still, there are still five episodes to go and you’ll be seeing us at least one more time coming up on Wednesday. And if you watched the promo for next week, you already know that when it comes to giving massages to five women in their bikinis, “This is great!” If that doesn’t get people’s attention… maybe I’ll have to expose myself on camera.
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Not all geeks are [blank].
If you’ve been following the epic story of Beauty and the Geek from the beginning, you’ll know that the show’s on TV, I gave an interview over the radio and, well, this blog is just a dust mite compared to all the information you can find on the Internet. I think the only form of media that hasn’t been flooded yet is carvings on cave walls.
Seriously, though, the show is eventually going to get some exposure on paper, too. Sure, there have been plenty of columnist reviews across the nation, most of which gave the show good marks—those who didn’t like it… they’re pretentious pricks. Why? Because I said so. And don’t question my judgment on this—I could have you destroyed in the blink of an eye by an angry mob of fans who think I’m cute.
But I’m not talking about general opinions from people who only saw the first two episodes before promoting or condemning it. I’m talking about juicy information that you wouldn’t find out for yourself by watching the show… or reading it on my blog. Something much cooler than newspapers, but something you can still burn in effigy if it tries to make you seem like a pretentious prick.
So here’s what led to this entry: Yesterday, I got a call from Kathy, the publicist out in L.A., who asked if it would be okay for People to give me a call. No, not just random folks off the street—People, the magazine. It’s not like I had better plans that afternoon, so I told her that’d be fine. (I did have plans to go shopping with my mother, but they weren’t better plans…) She asked me when I’d be available and we eventually got it scheduled for 3:00.
At approximately 3:20, my phone rang. It was Kathy again, but as part of a conference call—she’d be lurking on the line with the mute button on during the interview. If I had any questions, she could pipe up with an answer. Then her voice disappeared, at which point the interviewer’s voice asked me how I was doing.
The questions were very low-key, I tried to be as candid as possible and avoid little white lies. For example, I admitted that my social life hadn’t changed much since I’m still spending most of my time in the basement studying for the bar exam. Still, I could tell her that while it still feels kinda awkward approaching women, I’m more comfortable just engaging in a conversation that might arise. Or that might be a white lie, I haven’t decided for sure—it’s been a while since I’ve talked to a strange woman (not including the oddballs I already know).
The one thing I definitely remember was when she asked me to complete this sentence: “Not all geeks are [blank].” “…Geeks.” Hey, it was the first thing that came into my head. As I was thinking about how to elaborate on that, Kathy jumped into the conversation to say that’s exactly what she was thinking: “Not all geeks are geeks.” I eventually came up with something like “There’s still a person behind the horn-rimmed glasses and the pocket protector.” I don’t recall whether I added that you might have to try a little harder to find that person, but the sentiment is the same.
That was pretty much it. I don’t know how much of the conversation they’ll put in print, but it was nice to hear the interviewer say it was easy to talk to me. (Maybe it wasn’t a white lie after all…) Perhaps you’ll feel the same way after watching future episodes of Beauty and the Geek… or maybe not—you probably shouldn’t talk at the TV too much or people will start looking at you funny.
Oh, one more thing: if you want to see which parts of the interview they used (along with interviews of all the other male cast members), pick up the issue of People that’s coming out on June 17th. The Bachelor issue. It’ll say that I’m single and available. I just hope it won’t lead to my social life changing because the basement gets raided by a mob of strange women who think I’m cute.
