The perfect gift for the love of your life

By the end of the day, we’ll finally be done with Valentine’s Day TV commercials, meaning I’ll see a lot less of Hallmark, jewelry stores… and pawn shops.

That’s right, Pawn America has been trying to cash in as well, offering really, really low prices for earrings, rings, necklaces, etc. I’m sure a lot of men are running to the door, scrambling through the aisles to find the best deal, then running home to give it to their loved ones tonight, right? After all, what says “I love you” more than a gift of jewelry that someone else didn’t want and sold for cash at a lot less than face value?

You’re lonely and it’s a Monday night

Talk about a double-whammy. Welcome once again to February 14th, “Remember That All Of Your Exes Are Probably Warm And Cozy In Someone Else’s Arms” Day! And because this is a weekday, you have a much smaller window of opportunity for getting drunk in your misery and vomiting all over yourself. Of course, that means there’s also a smaller window of opportunity for your exes to see you lying on the floor covered in your own vomit, thereby making them feel better about their decision to end the relationship.

For those who have loved and lost, I hope you all make it through the day without spontaneously bursting into tears every ten minutes because of your sorrows—it probably makes for a very uncomfortable working environment.

For those who have never loved at all, enjoy buying chocolaty goodness at a 50% discount tomorrow.

And for those of you in a good relationship with your significant other (or two or three others, not counting farm animals), Happy Valentine’s Day. You suck.

I think it’s because they’re female

Last week, some people in my business class were talking about how grocery stores have designed their layouts so shoppers will be more likely to buy extra food. A lot of times, people will come in for basics like milk, butter and eggs, so where are they in the store? Tucked in the back corner. You have to walk past lots of different foods before getting to those basics, during which time you might think, “You know, cookies sound awesome right now.” Impulse purchase! Grocery store: 1, You: 0.

Then I thought about how Girl Scouts started selling their cookies this year. Where once parents would post order sheets in the office to suggest that their coworkers aren’t satisfying their sweet teeth properly, the Girl Scouts have become more devious: they’re bringing cookies to your door. You still have to order some of the specialty items, but if you want Do-si-dos, Tagalongs or Thin Mints…

Gimme a second to wipe the drool off my keyboard.

If you want any of those basic cookies, you’ve got ’em right there. You don’t need any order forms; you need young girls with delicious goodies… I don’t think I phrased that very well.

One mother gave us a heads-up a few days early, then she and her daughter came to the house—we picked boxes of cookies while they were standing in front of us instead of using an order sheet. At the office, it was easy to limit yourself to two or three boxes, but not anymore! “You know, cookies sound awesome right now.” Impulse purchase! Girl Scouts: 1, You: … lots of cookies, so maybe you’re a winner, too.

And as a final note, someone asked after buying 10 boxes if we made a good selection. I said it didn’t really matter since they’ll be gone in a week. It’s now Day 4 and I’m pretty sure my prediction will be right. That’s really not a good thing, but at least it’s been a yummy not-good thing.