It didn\u2019t look like they made any \u201cminor adjustments\u201d this time, but that\u2019s probably for the best.<\/p>\n
I went back and looked at the original post for Episode 3 and discovered that I never explained why shopping for clothes was \u201ca traumatizing experience.\u201d Sure, I got to spend plenty of time second-guessing my lack of fashion sense, but it goes a little deeper than that.<\/p>\n
First off, I\u2019d like to thank the personal shoppers there who were either close to the same size as Scarlet or really good at interpreting my guesstimates (\u201dabout your height, very petite, etc.\u201d). If it weren\u2019t for them\u2026 well, that wouldn\u2019t have been me saying \u201cWow\u201d up on the stage. Truthfully, the problems didn\u2019t start until we hit the second store for casual and evening wear.<\/p>\n
When we walked into the place that had bikinis covering the walls, I had a fairly simple idea of what I wanted: something that emphasized Scarlet\u2019s neck, mostly because the one she already had wrapped around her body with a little strap looping up around the back of her neck. I guess there were plenty that had the single strap like that, but I was choosing between two—the black one that I picked out and one that had a slightly smaller cut for the bottom. And it was metallic silver. It hurt my eyes just thinking<\/i> about Scarlet wearing that, so I stuck to basic black. <\/p>\n
In retrospect, I\u2019m not sure why I narrowed it down to those two—maybe it was because the person helping me figured out size 1 (which was Scarlet\u2019s actual size) and those were the only available ones, I dunno\u2026 Regardless, it looked good, so I ain\u2019t complaining. Speaking of looking good, I have something to say: the word \u201csexy\u201d coming out of my mouth sounded very alien. \u201cArousal factor\u201d was kinda goofy and somewhat embarrassing, but \u201csexy\u201d? The mind reels\u2026<\/p>\n
But then we went on to pick out the other two outfits and everything hit the fan. There weren\u2019t enough personal shoppers in the store to help each of us individually, so those other bastards hoarded the women while I wandered around on my own for most of the time. Incidentally, I had looked at the dress that Bill and Richard had picked out, but thought the bright gold star in the middle looked a little too gaudy for my tastes—the shine and glistening rubbed me the wrong way. (There wasn\u2019t that \u201carousal factor\u201d\u2026)<\/p>\n
During the few minutes that I managed to grab some help, you saw the clip of me talking about the choker on Scarlet\u2019s dress and the personal shopper pointed me to the only dress style with that kind of neck. It was full-length, down to the floor. Nuh-uh. So I found that long lime green (I think) t-shirt right away—it was the same color as her swimsuit and a sweater she\u2019d worn—and roamed the store grounds without a clue as to what I was doing. I\u2019d walk, look at a dress on the rack, not like it, put it back, keep walking, look at a dress and put it back\u2026 it never seemed to end. Until it was almost time to end.<\/p>\n
They gave us a five minute warning (can\u2019t have us lingering in the store all night\u2026), at which point I had the t-shirt. That was it. Just the t-shirt. That\u2019s when I started to panic. \u201cWhat happens if I don\u2019t find something in time? She won\u2019t have to go out there naked, so what\u2019s gonna happen to us? Shit<\/i>!!\u201d I ran back to the counter, swiped the girl who\u2019d been helping out Chuck and we went on a mad spree to pick out what I needed. We headed to the wall closest to us and found a couple black dresses—I don\u2019t think I\u2019d seen them before then, which shows you how observant I am when it comes to finding stylish clothes on the rack. The second dress she held up looked pretty good, so that\u2019s the one I chose. Much like the bathing suit place, I compared her height and proportions to Scarlet\u2019s and the shopper picked the size (it was a size 2 instead of a 1, but it still fit her and made her look really\u2026 I\u2019m not gonna use the s-word again if I can help it).<\/p>\n
We then ran over to the shelves of jeans—I knew I\u2019d be getting a pair, but hadn\u2019t the slightest idea what the right size might have been, nor had I thought about all the potential styles of jeans. Thankfully, the personal shopper came through once again. I brought all that back to the counter, she started ringing that up and I grabbed some dangly earrings next to the register right before time was up. I hadn\u2019t the slightest idea how any of it would look, but at least Scarlet had something to wear.<\/p>\n
But there was still something nagging at me. Like I\u2019ve said a multitude of times in here, I haven\u2019t the slightest idea how sizes work. I\u2019d been a little concerned after choosing the bathing suits that it\u2019d be too small for Scarlet. Obviously, it wasn\u2019t a problem. What was a problem was that the first dress style that a personal shopper had pointed out for me had a size 4 and a size 6. Somehow, that number 4 got stuck in my head. Up to the point when I was showing Scarlet the outfits I\u2019d chosen, I would have sworn on my grandfather\u2019s grave that the one I picked was a 4 instead of a 2. When I found out she was a 1\u2026 for all I knew, a size 4 dress was going to be so big that the straps would slide off her shoulders and the whole thing would fall off while she was heading down the catwalk. Can you imagine why I\u2019d be paranoid about that?<\/p>\n
And it\u2019s true, I wasn\u2019t sure about the styles I\u2019d picked out—I based them on clothes I\u2019d seen Scarlet wearing beforehand, but they seemed pretty plain and not really \u201cfashionable\u201d in comparison to a lot of the other stuff in the store. As it turned out, the outfits were \u201csafe,\u201d but they apparently stood out pretty well in the eyes of the fashion experts. So now I can look back and see that panicking wasn\u2019t necessary in that case, but it sure seemed appropriate at the time. The moral of the story? Get your woman\u2019s measurements, find a good personal shopper and look at the tag<\/i> before you leave. And try not to freak out about shopping while eating your dinner or you could drop beef stroganoff on the floor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It didn\u2019t look like they made any \u201cminor adjustments\u201d this time, but that\u2019s probably for the best. I went back and looked at the original post for Episode 3 and discovered that I never explained why shopping for clothes was \u201ca traumatizing experience.\u201d Sure, I got to spend plenty of time second-guessing my lack of … <\/p>\n