Once again, I\u2019m sitting in my room at the Holiday Inn, ruing the inevitable, waiting for the Tuesday morning sun to come and rear its ugly head. For me, this is Episode III: Revenge of the Bar Exam. (Hopefully, I have a better fate ahead of me than Anakin Skywalker, who turned into a lava-baked Krispy Kritter because he went over to the Dark Side. Which I\u2019m doing by becoming a lawyer. Shit.)<\/p>\n
The day didn\u2019t start off too bad. I woke up, read some of the newest Stephen King novel, washed clothes—you should always face your darkest fears in a clean pair of underwear—got everything packed up (I hope) and headed out of the house. I went to Rainbow Foods to pick up some supplies and decided to grab my dinner at the Lee Ann Chin\u2019s inside. What I discovered there was that whoever makes the bamboo chopsticks for that place needs a copy editor with some marginal English skills. Here\u2019s what it said, errors and all (I split it up into columns with breaks between each line, since some of those breaks kinda make sentences).<\/p>\n
FRONT:<\/b> Welcome to Chinese Restaurant.
\nPlease try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks \/ the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history \/ and cultual.<\/p>\n
BACK:<\/b> Learn to use your chopsticks
\nTuk under [blank space] thurnb \/ and hcld firmly
\nAdd second chcostick \/ hold it as you hold \/ a pencil
\nHold tirst chopstick \/ in originai position \/ move the second \/ one up and down \/ Now you can pick \/ up anything:
\nPRODUCTOF \/ CHINA<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve made jokes about using those chopsticks to pick up women before—\u201dHey, c\u2019mon baby, I can pick up anything with these things, so why not you?\u201d Given the spelling and grammar on the wrapper, I\u2019m not sure if I can accept their claims as legitimate anymore.<\/p>\n
So I got supplies there, though I learned my lesson after last time: I bought an eight-pack of Gatorade bottles along with the usual Mountain Dew. As much as I can use the caffeine, it\u2019ll be good to have some non-diuretic stuff to drink so I won\u2019t get dehydrated and almost fall asleep during the exam again. After Rainbow, I made a quick drive-by at Subway for a foot-long sub that\u2019ll suffice for two lunch breaks and hit the road.<\/p>\n
I got to the hotel with no complications, checked in, brought my first load of two up to my hotel room and found a large bunch of flowers sitting on the desk. My first thought was how it was such a nice gesture and wondered who would send it to wish me good luck. Then I looked at the tag. Yes, the tag had Room 422 written on it. The tag, however, displayed the name \u201cCarol Hanks.\u201d I\u2019ll admit, I\u2019ve been called a lot of names in my life, but Carol Hanks has never been on that list. Not even close.<\/p>\n
I was a little confused, so on my way back to my car, I stopped at the front desk to tell them about the flowers. The guest services guy looked in the computer and saw someone named Carol. He also saw that Carol had a reservation sometime in March. Woo hoo! Premature delivery = free flowers for me! (Unfortunately, it didn\u2019t work out that way—I guess there was a name screw-up or something, so someone came and took them away from me. I didn\u2019t even think to take a big sniff before they were gone\u2026 damn.)<\/p>\n
So now I\u2019m at my desk in front of my laptop. And the room\u2019s mirror is right in front of the desk, so every time I look up from the computer screen, I see a familiar scowl. (Yay! I\u2019m not a vampire yet! I may stay up at night and be on the verge of becoming pure evil, but I still have a reflection!) And seriously, what kind of expression would you expect? Ecstasy? Joy? A level of happiness so high that I can\u2019t help but drool all over myself? I\u2019m taking the bar exam tomorrow!<\/p>\n
Hopefully, that scowl will be gone in half an hour or so. I promised myself I\u2019d get more than five hours of sleep, a bad trend that\u2019s continued through the ages (see: a year and a half). Thus, if I get ready real quick, I\u2019ll fulfill that promise. By getting six hours instead of five. Time for bed, kiddies! Story time will continue tomorrow as usual. Until then, sleep well and have lots of happy dreams—I\u2019ll try to follow your example.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Once again, I\u2019m sitting in my room at the Holiday Inn, ruing the inevitable, waiting for the Tuesday morning sun to come and rear its ugly head. For me, this is Episode III: Revenge of the Bar Exam. (Hopefully, I have a better fate ahead of me than Anakin Skywalker, who turned into a lava-baked … <\/p>\n