Pre-Creation Creation

First, there was nothing. Then, there was this guy. He didn’t have a name. He decided a name would be good. He called Himself God. And if anyone mentions that He hadn’t created language yet, He will smite them by dropping a piano on their blaspheming heads. Since God was the only thing around, He decided to create something. Unlike the second version of the Creation, the first thing God created was Time. After all, what’s the point of making day and night, seasons or the Super Bowl if you’re trapped in the span of a micro-second? So God made Time and then created the first wristwatch so He wouldn’t miss “ER” on TV after work.

Thus began the first day. God thought, “Hmm… this empty void is rather annoying. How am I supposed to prop My feet up to watch TV if there’s nothing here? I think I’ll create something to stand upon.” So God created the Earth. He stood upon it, and felt a sharp rock stick into His foot. Since cursing hadn’t been created yet, all God could do was grumble and promise to make rocks the most worthless things in the universe. Other than the sharp rocks, God saw that it was good, but before He could do anything else, the alarm on His wristwatch went off, informing Him that it was time to watch “ER.” He stopped working and sat down to watch the show, but then realized He hadn’t created TV Cameras yet, so He laid down, waiting for the next day. Mostly because He had nothing else to do.

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