You are. And that is enough.
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.
The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and then exchanged sandwiches.
Lawyer: Did you actually see the accident?
Witness: Yes, sir.
Lawyer: How far away were you when the accident happened?
The Witness: Thirty-one feet, six and one-quarter inches.
Lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?
The Witness: Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some annoying lawyer would ask me that question.
People occasionally ask me, “What’s everyone from Beauty & the Geek doing nowadays? Do you all keep in touch? Is Ashton really the father of Demi’s baby?” Truth is, I don’t have a whole lot to tell them.
Aside from Richard, the geeks are doing whatever they were doing beforehand and a lot of the beauties have moved out to L.A. to pursue acting careers. (If I recall correctly, Caitilin is still working in the fashion industry and Cheryl is going to school, but the others are aiming for media stardom. If it was up to me—which it isn’t—they’d be working their asses off on stage and screen and earning lots of money that they could use to fly me out to visit once in a while…)
As for what Richard and Lauren have been up to the last couple months, check out this link. Looks like the WB may have found someone else (or elses) to host the new season…
Oh, and as for Demi’s baby, no one can prove it was me sneaking out the window that night, so someone please tell the paparazzi to stop bugging me.
In the book I’ve been reading to prepare for the bar exam, it provides an example for the risk of loss when selling goods. It includes a brief “with all due respect to German-Americans, Bob Knight, and Trey Parker and Matt Stone,” then begins…
Karl, a grocer in New Ulm, Minnesota ordered coffee from a New York seller. Even though the coffee was shipped in the best available containers, rats “infiltrated” the coffee while it was in transit. The coffee was delivered; the grocer paid for the coffee. The grocer then opened the packages of coffee and wrote the following letter of complaint:
Schentlemens:
Der last two pecketches ve got from you off koffee was mit rattschidt gemitz. Der koffee may be gute enuff, but der rattsdurds schbeels der trade. Ve did not see der rattschidt in der sambles vich you sent us for examination. It takes so much time to peck der rattsdurds from der koffee.
Ve order der kelen koffee und you shipt schidt mit der koffee; it vas a muschtake, YA? Ve like you to schipp us der koffee in van sak und der rattschidt in a udder sak. Den ve mix it to suit our kostomer.
Write please if ve shutd shipp der schidt bak und keep der koffee or if ve shudt keep der schidt und shipp der koffee bak or schipp der whole schidten verks bak. Ve vant to do rite in der madder, but ve don’t like dis rattschidt bizziness.
Mit mutch respeckts,
Karl Brummenschidt
Earlier in the week, we had a combination of rain and snow, then three days with high temperatures in the teens. I haven’t spent much time outside the house—I like my testicles hanging outside my abdominal cavity, thank you very much. Naturally, the weather led to some nasty consequences. Here’s a conversation I had earlier this afternoon:
Dad: Have you got an ice scraper in your car?
Me: I’m not sure, lemme check.
[Insert grunting sounds]
Dad: What’s wrong?
Me: I can’t get the door open.
Yep, the rain froze the car completely shut. I tried pulling the handle with both hands, pounding around the edges of the door to loosen it up… nothing. I eventually got a jug of hot water to melt the ice and a wooden slat to slide around the edges and pry the bastard open. Once that worked, I wiped off the door (it would have been pretty sad if I’d let the water sit there and freeze the door shut again), then went driving for about twenty minutes. With the motor running and the heat going full blast, I managed to get the ice on the windows to melt, all four doors to open, the trunk and hood to pop… now I just have to remember to drive around the block once in a while to make sure my car doesn’t turn into a giant metal ice cube again.
Product Name REALITY TV
Category Episodic
Union Status Non-Union
Run(Usage) Casting starts week of Nov 14th
Rate $500 daily
Production Company Double D Productions
Callback Note If approved, usually 2 week callback wait time
Audition Dates Starting Week of Nov 14th…
Audition Location
Glendale Studios
121 Lexington Ave
Glendale CA 91203
Project Notes
Do you want to be on a new hot Playboy show??? Are you wild, uninhibited and se*ually free??? If you’re single and between the ages of 21-35 we would love to hear from you.
The show will be about 2 hot guys and 2 hot girls spending a 24 hour period in a gorgeous luxury mansion to see where it leads. This is NOT P0RN, there is nothing expected……it is a REAL REALITY show with 4 hot singles looking to explore their wild side. It is Playboy so you must be very comfortable with your body and nu d ity…basically we want the types that would jump in a pool n a k e d because they love their body and they are proud of it!
Each person will be paid $500 for the 24 hour period and all expenses paid. We look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks, Ron
Audition Note
Do you want to be on a new hot Playboy show??? Are you wild, uninhibited and s e x u a l l y free??? If you’re single and between the ages of 21-35 we would love to hear from you.
The show will be about 2 hot guys and 2 hot girls spending a 24 hour period in a gorgeous luxury mansion…
