Next to who?

When my clock radio turned on this morning, I was greeted by a story about the death of Paul Harvey. He was a radio broadcaster who… well, you can read about it on Wikipedia or the various reports in newspapers and blogs across the universe. But that’s not exactly what they were talking about this morning.

Years ago, the female DJ’s father had purchased a bike, rode it for months, lost 50 pounds, etc. He wrote to Paul Harvey about it, who decided to use the guy’s name during one of his radio broadcasts. The guy went on to call all of his friends and his brother to tell them about it because Paul Harvey was, quote, “right next to Bozo and Jesus.”

I know, I was surprised, too. I woke up to a discussion about a conception of the Holy Trinity of the airwaves and it wasn’t even a Sunday.

Shovelin’ in a Winter Blizzard-Land

[Parody of “Winter Wonderland”… in case you couldn’t tell…]

Everywhere, it is snowing
Even worse, wind is blowing
Gotta get dressed
And clean up this mess
Shovelin’ in a winter blizzard-land

Don my coat and my mittens
Things get worse while I’m sittin’
It’s frigid outside
But man must abide
Shovelin’ in a winter blizzard-land

All the kids are happy ‘cause there’s no school
They’ll be romping ‘round the house all day
I walk through the front door with my steel tool
I know I have to make it go away

In the house, wife is sleeping
Through my clothes, sweat is seeping
My muscles are sore
But there’s plenty more
Shovelin’ in a winter blizzard-land

Maybe when I’m done, I’ll take a warm bath
Get myself all toasty through and through
Then I watch the sky and do some quick math:
In an hour, I’d start the job anew

Try to think, try to reason
It’s just part of the season
So mad I could spit
I’m just gonna quit
Shovelin’ in a winter blizzard-land

Shovelin’ in a winter blizzard-land
Shovelin’ in a winter blizzard-land

— SCB, Feb 27th, 2009

Sorry I stole your fortune, Matthew.

My plan tonight was to go out and meet friends at Khan’s Mongolian Barbecue, one of my favoritest restaurants ever. Yummy, yummy food. However, there are two locations in the Twin Cities—Richfield and Roseville—and I accidentally went to the wrong one. Oops…

As it turned out, that wasn’t an entirely bad thing. I was wandering around inside the restaurant looking for said friends and suddenly heard, “SHAWN!” I looked down and saw Matthew Feeney sitting in a chair right in front of me. He stood up and gave me a hug, then offered me a fortune cookie that the waiter had brought. Hey, I wasn’t gonna turn down a free fortune…

It wasn’t until later that I found out I’d gone to the wrong restaurant, but that cookie made the mistake totally worthwhile. I opened the cookie, ate it, then took a look at the fortune inside. We were playing the “in bed” game, adding that to the ends of the fortunes, and this has to be the best I’ve ever seen:

You will be happiest if you please yourself first.

How to double your money on a bet

Last week, I was talking to one of my classmates who has a tendency to arrive a minute or two after the class officially starts. I complained that he has an extra cushion to show up since his last name starts with an S, whereas mine starts with B. (When your last name is Bakken, you’re always gonna be near the top of the list for roll call.) I decided it was time for a little equality, so I bet him a nickel that the professor would take attendance in reverse for the next class. Not only did he accept my bet, he said he’d give me a whole five pennies instead of a nickel. How could I turn that down? Continue reading “How to double your money on a bet”